January /Beginning Again
Back from a 4 week vacation
I barely painted, it’s January and I’m beginning again. Just entering the studio is daunting, like walking into the gym after a hiatus. My mental muscles resist. I contemplate procrastination, spin grand ideas, question ability, or worse, question, “Why bother?” Which become an existential inner dialogue. If I don’t make a move fast those thoughts easily turn to distractions…”Maybe I should read, watch a movie, write a text to a friend, iron my socks…
The first week of vacation I painted in watercolor a little bit.
Finally at my age, I know that accomplishments are made by small steps we make each day. I know I’m an over-thinker. I can even be lazy. My husband laughs that when he visited my father and helped with outdoor chores like chopping wood, my father would come out after just minutes and say, “Now don’t overdue. You can take a break.” I’ve inherited that disposition which appears at times. But vacation was my break December 2024 and now it’s time to get back.
Beginning Again
I turn on the fairy lights, put on my apron, declutter a corner of the table, and open my paint tubes. And begin again. This constant beginning doesn’t just get the job done. I’ve learned about my resilience and the ways I approach work.
Just warm up by making marks. Mix colors, try different brushes and remember how to “play” on paper.
How to Begin Again
It isn’t splashy or exciting. These things help me:
Writing in a journal
Breaking tasks into small things (even cleaning the table is a start)
Following the first thing that I know I need to do rather than getting overwhelmed by ALL the things to do.
Seeking other artists for encouragement and inspiration- even online or in a book or video or texting
Trusting the process. Just pick up the paintbrush or pencil and do it and trust that each time it will be easier.
Work with a sense of curiosity rather than thinking it has to be about passion or production. Our world is so high on dopamine hits and comparisons but there is a quiet pleasure in approaching things with wonder and curiosity.
Warming up with gouache. It’s different from watercolor because it’s thick like cream, soft butter and at first I struggle with its’ thickness. Experimentation is key.
I’m curious what practice you are returning to this January and what keeps you showing up? What tricks or tasks keep you going and help with beginning again after a hiatus or vacation?
Like working out in the gym or starting a sport, we have to trust that our muscles will develop bit by bit. We have to be patient and diligent, forgiving and celebratory. Today I just decided to mix colors and make marks, just play with the gouache paint I hadn’t seen for weeks. And so I begin in January 2025 to paint again in my studio, listening to easy jazz, and the pleasure seeps back into my muscles, Ahhhh!